A sexless marriage can develop over time for various reasons – a busy work life, feeling exhausted after a day of looking after your home and kids, just generally finding that you don’t desire sex as much as you used to. Whatever the reason, it is important to know that it is curable! So why are you STILL in a sexless marriage?
These days, a sexless marriage is defined in many ways. Some experts say that if you and your spouse are having sex 10 (or less) times per year then you are in a sexless marriage. However, some couples still feel satisfied with a sex life of once or twice every couple of months and have very happy marriages. This is why we believe that a sexless marriage is a subjective issue. While there is no singular definition for a sexless marriage, if you are unhappy with your sex life and feel that it is taking a toll on your relationship then you know that you have reached your threshold and need to do something about it!
So what is causing your sexless marriage and, more importantly, what can you do to fix it?
Make the time for you and your partner to sit down (without any distractions from kids, TV, family, work etc.) to talk about your sex life.
There are a lot of common issues that plague couples in a sexless marriage. The first big problem is a lack of time. Once you and your spouse get into the routine of a marriage and all the excitement of the honeymoon period is over and you become parents, so many other tasks seem to take priority – things like making yet another snack, cleaning up, going to work, planning carpool… When you feel you don’t have any time to spend on yourself, you’re often not thinking about your partner either. And then there’s the exhaustion and fatigue that come with the territory of being a parent. When you spend your days working hard and spending all your energy on the “important things” you’re too exhausted to even think about sex.
Another common issue amongst couples in sexless marriages is a lack of interest or a low libido. Thousands of couples are affected by this problem every day and yet people still find it difficult to come to terms with and talk about. While a low libido can be a side-effect of ageing or other more serious health concerns, it could also be as a result of communication issues between you and your spouse. If one partner is feeling neglected, unhappy or unsatisfied in the marriage it can lead to a lack of interest in sex and a sexless marriage.
If you can identify with any of these issues, it is important to know that there is an effective answer to your problems. Communication is key for any successful marriage. Make the time for you and your partner to sit down (without any distractions from kids, TV, family, work etc.) to talk about your sex life. Identify what your concerns are, what you think is causing these problems, how important sex is to each of you, and how you can help each other carve out a little escape time. When you start to learn more about how each of you views the situation, you’ll gain some ideas for possible solutions.
I know that starting this conversation isn’t easy. It takes real guts to put yourself out there. But being vulnerable is what intimacy is all about. Opening yourself up to your spouse can often be the spark that is needed to kick start the healing process and realize how important your relationship is.
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