After Nine Tonight

Prioritize Your Marriage


When you are married, sex and your relationship with your partner often take a back-seat to all of your other priorities – such as doing household chores, having a successful career, and spending some time on yourself. We all know that one of the biggest priorities when it comes to your family is your children. In this age of helicopter parenting, there’s probably not too much that doesn’t revolve around them these days.  However, this could be doing some serious damage and could result in a sexless marriage if you are not careful. Prioritizing your marriage over other responsibilities and your unwavering dedication to your kids every once in a while will help improve your marriage, make your partner feel like a rock star, and give your libido that needed boost. So here is one way for each day of the week that you can focus on prioritizing your marriage:

  1. Monday – set your boundaries. When you and your partner are having a conversation, don’t let the kids interrupt.  If they do, remind them mom and dad’s conversations are just as important as theirs and they need to wait until you are finished first. (Unless you are potty training and your child really needs to go!)
  2. Tuesday – make meals part of “family time”. Trying to think of something new and exciting to make for dinner every night of the week can be a draining task only made more taxing if you are catering for different tastes or picky eaters. Today, make one meal that the whole family eats  – no special orders. This will allow you to have more time to spend with your spouse at the end of the day and leave you feeling less exhausted.
  3. Wednesday – share food-making responsibilities. Instead of that mad rush in the mornings trying to make breakfasts, get the kids and yourself ready for the day, and pack healthy school lunches, allocate breakfast and lunch responsibilities to your children (if they are old enough, of course). While they are learning time management and culinary skills, you and your spouse can show some affection for one another with a good-morning kiss. Even better is that if it happens in front of the kids, they can see the love you and your partner share.
  4. Thursday – Show and share the love. Many kids worry about their parents’ relationship and may have concerns about them divorcing. Often this is because young children don’t understand the subtle ways adults show love and can only reconcile their view of your relationship with what they actually see. So show your spouse a little love every once in a while and compliment them as often as possible. Not only will it reassure your kids that mom and dad truly love each other but it will also do wonders for the emotional and physical intimacy of your relationship.
  5. Friday – spend quality time spoiling each other. Give each other foot massages while you hang out on the couch.
  6. Saturday – date night! The best way to fend off a sexless marriage is to spend a romantic evening together without the kids. Send the kids to their grandparents or hire a babysitter but make sure that you spend the evening focussing on your partner and not worrying about the children.
  7. Sunday – Funday. Instead of your kids dictating how you spend every hour of your free weekend time, have one of the parents choose an activity to enjoy. (Quiet time counts as an activity if that’s what you want!)

While it may not be possible to incorporate these ideas into every day of every week, just doing a few of them every now and then or taking just one week a month to think of all the possible ways you can prioritize your marriage will go a long way to preventing your kids from taking over your lives and the residual side-effect of a sexless marriage.

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