After Nine Tonight

Is Your Career Causing Your Low Libido?


If you have been following my recent articles it should be no secret to you that low libido is one of the top concerns for couples experiencing troubles in their sex lives. While there are many reasons given to explain low libido, in dual-career couples, it can be especially prevalent. So what’s the connection between dual career couple-hood and low libido?

As a successful career woman, “household executive” and mother do you find yourself worrying about your low libido? Are you concerned that while both you and your partner are struggling to you keep your careers, household and family in tact, your sex life is also suffering? With the rise of the modern day career woman, dual career couple-hood is now a common element of the family unit. Unfortunately, our society and culture hasn’t necessarily kept up with the additional support needed for this to happen – like high-quality childcare and more equally-divided sharing of family responsibilities. That can take a real toll on women’s libido!

As with most conflict in a relationship, communication is key.

Having recently read a study that explores the link between dual career couple-hood and low libido, one thing that really stood out was how the majority of wives interviewed all had the same concern: that in their busy schedules, there was just no room for sex to be made a priority. All these women agreed that not only were they just too busy and stressed out for sex, they were also simply exhausted. What made things even worse was the fact that the women also experienced varying degrees of resentment toward their partners because they felt that there was an uneven distribution of household duties between them. And with women taking on three times as much housework after having children compared to men (study by Lisa Wade), it’s no wonder they feel that way!

Naturally many of you are probably rolling your eyes right now and thinking, “I didn’t need a scientist to tell me this!” I mean, when you take a brief moment to think about it, it becomes quite obvious that when women are carrying the bulk of household and childcare responsibilities and holding down a full-time job, daily sexual desire will be crushed. It doesn’t take a genius to understand what stressed out, exhausted wives inherently know – that between work, kids, laundry and chores, there is just no time or energy left for sex. Thus, with a career consuming most of the daytime hours, household duties are pushed into the evening hours leaving even less physical and emotional energy for intimacy.

The thing is, that while you may know all this, how do you fix it? How do you find the time for your career, household responsibilities, kids, exercise AND regular sexual intimacy? It certainly isn’t easy – I know that! As with most conflict in a relationship, communication is key. Dual career couples that are suffering the effects of low libido need to openly discuss this with their partners. How import is sex to each other? What’s causing low libido in your relationship and how can you work together to get it back?

We’ve worked a lot on this in our relationship. It was hard for me to ask for what I needed (more equally-divided housework), but once I did, that opened the pathway to change – and a much less-frazzled evening for me. If I hadn’t initiated that conversation, though, nothing would have changed and we would have both continued being frustrated, emotionally and sexually. So start that conversation this week to reduce marital conflict, enhance intimacy, and build a stronger relationship.

Have your husband fold the laundry while you go watch a 15-minute romance movie by After Nine Tonight to get you in the mood.  You’ll both be happy!

Good luck!


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