Hey, dads! Feel like you got the bait and switch in the bedroom? Has your once receptive and sexually playful spouse been replaced with an always tired, not interested roommate just looking for a good night’s sleep? Is this what a married sex life is like?
If you could flip a switch and change things would you? Of course you would. But it’s not just up to you, is it? As the saying goes, ‘it takes two to tango’, and while you might want things to change, you’re a bit unsure what your wife thinks. And what switch is there to flip anyway?
Well, have you heard about the After Nine Tonight film series? It was created to address this situation. In 15 minutes we hope to change tired and not interested, into aroused and ready. We want to give your married sex life a boost.
Worth a shot, right? But how can you introduce After Nine Tonight to your spouse without adding to any resentment or frustration already caused by your mismatched libidos?
You’ve got to approach it in the right way. If you just pull it up on your tablet one night after the kids are in bed, chances are it will be a bust. In her mind, it’ll be like you just gave her lingerie – a gift more for you than her. Or, even worse – maybe she reads it as you telling her this is one more area where she isn’t meeting expectations.
Regardless of your conscious desire for sex, deep down inside there is an even stronger desire for intimacy and emotional closeness. So how do you effectively communicate that? How in this strained and stressful time in your lives and marriage do you communicate your need for sex, driven by a desire for closeness and a stronger relationship?
Well, for starters consider that the longer a couple stays together, the more that arousal becomes a product of both the immediate situation, as well as the status of the overall relationship. So if intimacy has been declining (or absent) for some time, take an inventory of your relationship. Does your work or hobbies consume so much of your time that you leave the vast majority of household duties to your wife? Have you stopped most public displays of affection, like holding hands, hugging, a kiss goodbye, etc? Has it been months since you and your wife have had time to connect with each other and just talk?
If none of the above sound familiar and apply to your situation, then go ahead and (lovingly) suggest to your wife that you heard of something that might help her to ease her mind at night and possibly regain some of her inner vixen that has been hard to locate lately…
But if any of it does apply, then you might a have a bit more work to do before you make ‘the big move’. Maybe it’s time to go back to some of the basics. A bit of courtship. A bit of dating behavior. Doing more than you’re asked to do. Going a bit above and beyond to garner the attention of a woman you desire.
Here are some easy things that you can do during the few days, or week before you might introduce an After Nine Tonight film:
- Day 1 – Start the morning out with a hug. A real one. Put your arm around her at night and just leave it there. Don’t go in for the kill. Just cuddle.
- Day 2 – Complement or appreciate her in some way. Repeat Day 1 action items.
- Day 3 – Unload the dishwasher. Repeat action items from days 1-2. When she asks what’s gotten into you, don’t pretend that you’ve always done this and she just hasn’t noticed! Let her know that you’ve realized that your lives have been too-consumed by everything else and that you want to start connecting with each other more. (You discovered this by reading a great article written by a busy mom who found that in her life too. This mom is also making short films to help other couples like them. And maybe she would want to check that out with you sometime? After all, it’s only 15 minutes…). If she doesn’t bite on that last bit, soldier on… trust that you are getting closer!
- Day 4 – Give her a kiss. A long one. Repeat action items from days 1-3.
- Day 5 – Send her a sweet text. (Ex: I know I don’t tell you enough… I love you). Repeat action items from days 1-4.
- Day 6 – Do something with the kids for 30 minutes yourself. Bonus points if you take them out of the house to do it. Repeat action items from days 1-4.
- Day 7 – Make dinner, including shopping and menu planning. Just take care of it. Don’t ask her what she wants. She doesn’t want to make another decision. She’ll be happy with whatever you chose if she doesn’t need to lift a finger. Ask her what she thinks about checking out that short movie by After Nine Tonight after the kids go to bed this evening. If she is a bit hesitant, tell her that you read about how important intimacy is in keeping a marriage strong and how the films are designed for busy moms. You can even send her to the After Nine Tonight website, where she can check out a film trailer and read more about After Nine Tonight while you volunteer to clean-up the dishes.
Time to make a change to your married sex life! Good Luck!