Married women, especially those with kids living at home, are rarely in the mood spontaneously. I know it’s hard for you to believe that your wife doesn’t want your hands all over her the minute you see each other after a long day of work. But it’s really not you. Even Brad Pitt couldn’t get her going then. (Well… maybe he could the first couple of times, but after the novelty wears off, forget it.)
In general, her mind is a million miles away from thoughts of intimacy. It’s hard to relate to that, I know.
Most moms have a difficult time switching off the part of our brain that keeps track of all we have to do. In the background is the unending to-do list that cycles through our heads about carpools, kid issues, meals, laundry, bills… We’d love to shut it off but somehow we can’t. That means we can’t always shift our focus to shagging you senseless the way you’d like us to.
So what’s a guy to do? Listen to this video by Doug Olds, he knows. First off, your relationship has to be solid. If she is resenting you in any way, the doors won’t be opening tonight. That means that you need to love and appreciate your wife and be in tune to what she needs. If thoughts of housework are overwhelming her, step up and do the laundry and unload the dishwasher without being asked. If she’s concerned about your child’s recent tiff at school, be there to listen even if you think the issue is trivial. Nothing improves a husband’s sex appeal more than a confident man who loves and appreciates his wife and tries to fulfill her needs—especially the non-sexual needs.
But even after you’ve made the kids’ lunches–complete with garnishes–and scrubbed the counters until you see your reflection, know that your job isn’t over. She still needs time to switch gears to get her mind in the right place.
So, then, what really helps her disconnect from the perpetual to-do list and get in the mood? Is it a bath? A glass of wine? Reading an erotic story? Watching a romantic film? (See our tips for introducing your wife to a steamy movie). Give her the time and space to do what she needs to love and appreciate you. Haul those kids up to the bath and give her time to unwind before dimming the lights with her.