After Nine Tonight

A Gift For Him

The gift that money can’t buy.

Are you racking your brain about what to get your significant other for the holidays? As the years tick by it’s pretty likely that he has most of the material things he wants (at least those that you can afford), right? So what to do? You checked out the top 50 “gift for him” posts on Google, but inspiration is still lacking. Maybe you’re defaulting back to the typical tie/shirt/sweater or bottle of cologne? Been there, done that!

What about something more meaningful? Something that really tells him that you love him, that you understand him, and that he is important to you. Great you say, but what would a gift like that look like? Where can I get this gift for him? And how much would it cost?

Well, here is the good part – it costs next to nothing and you already have it!

What is this mysterious gift, you ask? Look in the mirror – its YOU! But not just any you. It’s the you before careers and kids and so many stressors of adult life turned you both from passionate lovers into overly busy (and undersexed) domestic partners. It’s the connected you that once made your relationship sizzle with blissful thoughts of being together forever.

Where is this you? It seems much easier to buy a gift for him than to find that former self, doesn’t it? You’re right. It does take a little work to prioritize your partner amongst all the domestic duties and rekindle that passion you had inside years ago.

As a more loving and connected couple, you’ll naturally find yourselves working together, fighting less, and forgiving more. And that is the real gift for you, for him, and the entire family.

You’ve probably been avoiding any conversation about intimacy for a while. It’s much easier to just pretend there is no problem even while you know that’s not exactly accurate. Avoidance is generally the easiest path but certainly won’t help you and your partner to reconnect again. I know that confronting the situation can seem scary. We think of all the ‘what if’s’. What if we can’t fix where we are? What if I just can’t get that part of me back? What if he’s too repulsed by my fat thighs? You aren’t alone in these thoughts. We all have insecurities that prevent us from doing things – even the things we know are good for us.

Here is something you can try to get the ball rolling. Why don’t you find one night before the New Year to reconnect with the former you? Have your husband put the kids to bed and while he’s doing that, see if you can connect with the former you. Read a few erotic short stories (from Nancy Friday for example), close your eyes and fantasize, or watch a steamy short romance film (like our Staycation). If you find that these get you in the mood, you’ll know that you still have the ability to get back into it. Your mojo has just been hidden under piles of laundry, shadowed by mounds of toys, covered up by endless to-do lists. But you’ve still got it!

If you get yourself in the mood and initiate intimacy with your husband, it will make your husband feel like a million bucks. It’s not just sex for him. It’s way more than that; it lets him know that he’s loved, respected, and valued by you. And what gift for him could be better?

And it’s also a gift for you because you deserve to feel that passion again. You’ll remember that sex when you’re in the mood can feel great and make you feel closer – you actually may want to do it again before the New Year! And of course, once you start doing things for him, he may be more inclined to do things for you and the virtuous cycle begins. As a more loving and connected couple, you’ll naturally find yourselves working together, fighting less, and forgiving more. And that is the real gift for you, for him, and the entire family.


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